havent written in awhile. say 6 months.
i miss my dog. it was his 2nd birthday on the 6th of oct. i love u scout, i miss u, and i wish i could have u here with me now at seletar. you would love it. neighbourhood full of other dogs, space for u to run ard and play and a huge ass garden for u hang out and dig up. scout give'em hell just cuz u're my fiesty lil JRT.
so anyway i've been thinking with my wee lil brain.
things have started to finally settle down a little. life is starting to fall into a routine of studying tests studying tests... sucks but i keep telling myself its only a phase. after the training is done i can get my life back on track. not that it is totally off tangent now. its just with the amount of work, it keeps me away from the ppl i love and treasure. simply my friends. who seemingly all appear to be drifting away from me, like a floating bottle down a gentle stream. its not that i dont get to meet or keep intouch but rather that i have an omnious feeling that we're starting to live our own secluded lives. where there is a departure from the shared times of old. a time where we used to do everything together. but now cuz of relationships, work or tt the fact that we all spread over differnt cities of the world, we all start to travel our own paths on this journey of time.
no more the bunch of boisterious fools running in a pack. perhaps we will find new packs. but i dont really want to. i love the ppl in my life. past and present. what i find increasingly is that i secretly or naively think that we will once again do just that. run together like we used to. i wonder if it'll happen. the cynic in me says "in a million yrs" Vs. the sentimental in me that says "love them in your heart" atleast if i cant be with them in person i am with them in sprit heart and soul.
which comes to another pt. the soul satisfying experience of meeting ppl who u can share interesting meaningful and poigniant conversations. i miss the ppl i shared that with in sydney. ppl who could see beyound what was infront of them, ppl who did't buy into the system, ppl who belived that there is a better path, ppl who dared to live. ppl who shared with me their significant and personal insights to life, love and the mystry of existence.they really made me whole. happy. contented to the point of exsistential bliss one might say. i'm hoping to find some of that in singapore, but increasingly i am becoming distraught by the inability to do so. its hard to find like minded ppl, esp when u know u're from a different background from the general populous at large. sometimes it does get pretty lonely being different. compounded by the fact that i now am segregated from society in this lil place called SFC@seletar. a social backwater of sg. heh
i dont want to live the in glory of the yesterdays, or what once was. each new day should be such a gift of joy. life is supposed to be beautiful, treasured and made good, a lesson hard learnt. sometimes it takes alil nudge to remind us to keep us, to heal us and to help us grow.
sadly all i wanna do is grow. but it seems like i am not taking well to the soils of sg. adapt or die. such is the paradigm of evolution. at the rate i'm going i think i face extinction like a white rhino. the only remedy i can conjour is to displace myself and keep searching. searching for fellow square pegs in a society full of round holes.
on another note. last night and many more of late i've had these preminition dreams... funny thing is i saw myself. i knew i was there, and then there was a girl. only problem was that i cannot fanthom who she is. all i know is tt shes the "girl of my dreams" as cliched as it sounds. could't get a look at her face nor was it was recognizable. perhaps cuz i havent met tt person. or perhaps its cuz i havent seen this person in such a long time that i cannot paint the picture right. i dont know... all i know is hopefully til de ja vu, i will meet this person once more.
